A Hopeless Romantic at heart

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 06:31:56 GMT

I havent written in here for almost 2 months and the reason that I am isnt a very good one. I was actually reading through some old entries and I thought it would be nice to start writing in here again. I do love journals. Well it turns out today sucked and now I am going to vent.

I will say my day started off decent. I got a 90 on my accounting test which was awesome. I didnt think I did that well. The part that sucked was that I had a headache all morning, my astronomy test didnt go so well and I just felt like such a slacker student. I knew the questions and the topics but I didnt know the depth and the details that he needed which SUCKED. Then I didnt read for INT but luckily we didnt get a quiz. I need to buckle down and start doing work again.

I think the worst part of today was the way I kept thinking about myself. Everytime I looked in the mirror I had such a self hatred for myself. I couldnt find one good thing to say about myself and I just kept bringing myself down. I had so many insecurities come out today. I almost started crying and I dont know why. I realize that every so often, I get little spurts of depression that surface but it hasnt happened in awhile and today was bad. I even thought about something that I havent thought about since sophomore year of hs. Its hard to believe that all that started 4 years ago. Wow. I think sometimes it feels like longer. Then again some days I can still remember each dark thought and that is scary. I dont know what I would have done without Jay Ridge. Too bad we arent friends anymore. He seemed to understand me more than anyone. It's times like these that I wish I had someone like him still. I dont want to scare anyone with my thoughts so I just leave it alone. I forget about it which may not be the best way to solve things. I dont know who really wants to sit there and listen to me complain. Yeah, I do it for other people but I'm weird and I like to. I would rather help people then get helped myself.

No not all my entries are going to be like this. I just feel so awful right now. GRRR this just sucks. I dont know what causes it. Is it some kind of chemical inbalance? I used to think it was related to my period cuz I would get super sad when I was PMSing but its not that time of month. I dunno. Something is just off right now. I will go to sleep and wake up tomorrow like nothing happened. I am cold, I have the chills. I dont feel like moving though. I cant even bring myself to smile. If I get up, I'll have to pass a mirror and I will look in it and think how stupid I look. It's easier to see all the negative things. Its easier to look at what you dont have, like that perfect body, perfect hair, that winnng personality. I've got big boobs, whoohoo. Thats it and I want more. I think wanting more is part of my problem. I am not happy with what I have, at least not at this moment. Feeling like this makes me think of all the rejection I have put up with. Why did Eddie and Jeff do that to me and make me think I actually had a chance with Eddie? Why didnt Sam ever want me? If Jeff claimed that he liked me why didnt he want to be with me? Why was Jr year of hs the last time I had a b/f?

whatever, time for bed

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 04:59:45 GMT

AHHH I had the best vacation. I loved hanging out with my cousins. We all got along so well and there was always something for us to do. I actually got in front of people and sang! That was crazy. And meeting Johnathon was awesome. I dont know if we will remain friends. He does work on the cruise and probably meets a ton of people like me every week. He goes on vacation in November and because he is from Great Britain, he's going to tour the US. He says he'll visit me but its a long time away so we'll see what happens.

Ya I still have a thing for eddie. How can I not? he is sooooo cute and funny. I love hanging out with him and Jeff at the Wolves post-game parties. I am really going to miss the two of them. I dont know what is going to happen in the fall. If I had it my way, Eddie wouldnt want anyone else and him me and jeff could hang out every couple weekends. I know this wont happen. He's going to be a sr and its his last year of freedom. And he's 22 and I realize its not that much of an age difference but it is for some people. I just hope he isnt one of them. (sigh) I guess I cant get too attached, there is no use in doing that

I want the wolves to go to the finals so I can go to Louisiana. That would be awesome! Of course Eddie and Jeff would be there but so will Chris, Tracy, Jess, Alicia, Bob, and all the front office guys. I dont know how I'm paying for it yet but I'll work it out somehow.

I'm not ready to let go of summer

PS Matthew Tessier! I <3 you and I dont want you to go away and we need to hang out

Sat, 23 Jul 2005 05:14:08 GMT

RRRR I miss him and I dont want to.

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 05:06:50 GMT

UGh today was so boring. Jillian worked all day so I had no car and I watched soaps all day. I went to Applebees with Emily which was nice. We had a good time. We also went to Dairy Queen and talked for a long time there.

I didnt talk to Eddie today but I dont want him to get sick of me so I dont think it was a bad thing. GRRR I dont want to think about him all the time cuz I dont want to get myself hurt. But he is so adorable. I dont know

Double tomorrow, ew. Allison's mom is away this weekend so I hope for a get together there. Also, Sunday night I'm going with Emily to the Panera get together somewhere in Mass. Should be fun. I think I am hanging out with Jon Ebert this week too. I havent seen him since thanksgiving so I hope we can get together. Anything to make Thurs come faster (thats when Eddie comes back to NH).

Cruise in 8 days!! :)

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 06:01:00 GMT

Got this from Molly, its long but read anywhere:

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Caitlin
2. Caitlin
3. Crispy (thanks to Matt, my gay lover haha)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Coolcait10
2. And that's it
3.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My eyes
2. My smile
3. I think thats it

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My stomach
2. My arms
3. My fat

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. 50% French Canadian
2. 25% Irish
3. 25% German

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. HEIGHTS!!!
2. Rejection
3. drowning

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Water
2. Money
3. Sleep

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Tanktop
2. Shorts
3. Earrings

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Rascal Flatts
2. Michael Buble
3. Better than Ezra

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. "In your eyes" the Jeffery Gaines version
2. "I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues" Elton John
3. "Like a Prayer" Madonna

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Honesty
2. Humor
3. Fun!!

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I had a bunny
2. I watch soaps everyday
3. My birthday is in Nov

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU
1. Eyes
2. Smile
3. Arms

THREE RANDOM SEXUAL FACTS ABOUT YOU (WHAT TURNS YOU ON, ETC.)
1. Collared shirt with top unbuttoned and sleeves rolled up
2. I like to be kissed on my neck
3. Like Molly, I love older guys (Patrick Dempsey, Richard Gere, I think you get the idea)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Eating
2. Working out
3. TV

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Sleep
2. See someone from Henniker
3. Drink my water

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Something in the film business (but I gave that up)
2. Waitress at Chuck E. Cheese (I was 5!)
3. Sports Marketer

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Italy
2. Islands
3. A cruise (does that count)

THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Adian
2. Estella
3. Julia

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Make lots of money
2. Get married
3. Travel

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I look at guys' chests
2. ummmm thats all i can think of
3.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
1. I love makeup
2. I love to shop
3. I always want to diet

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Patrick Dempsey
2. Brad Pitt
3. Javy Lopez (he's a baseball player but i think that counts)

THREE PEOPLE YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE COMPLETE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1.
2. I dont care!!
3.

I havent updated in awhile. My life is about work. I work a lot although i do have tues and thurs off which is sweet. The best things about the summer are coming up. I leave on the 30th for my cruise. I am pumped for that. But I'm sad cuz I wont be able to see Eddie. Yeaaaaaaaaaah thats right, i am VERY interested in a boy. He will be a sr at new england college and he interns at the wolves too. He facebooked me and thats how we really started talking. I always thought he was cute, but i never had the courage to talk to him at past games. I had no idea tat he thought that I was "Hot but sweet". I have to wait til the 28th to see him again which sucks cuz he's home in CT right now. He mows lawns there but when he's not working, he's at his apt in Henniker. I cant stop thinking about him but I'm afraid he's leading me on a little bit. We will have to see what happens

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 04:31:59 GMT

I have a headache, I think its from the humidity BLAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHH. My dad is in rough shape. He bruised a rib when he fell jogging and he was jogging the other night and a tree branch fell on him and scratched his eye. Now its really sore and he has blurred vision. :( I wish I could make him feel better.

Cute kid at work doesnt work there anymore. I think that was my only chance for a summer fling. The other boy I have an interest in doesnt want me (I think). I never see him and that sucks so I give up.

I;m talking to Donnie, he's a cool kid and I miss him.

I dont want to write in here but I am anyways. I also dont want to work all weekend but OH WELL.

I think thats it for now, too tired to want to write more

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 06:37:55 GMT

Today was pretty awesome. I went to work and got 3 tables and made $8. Ok so that part sucks but it does get better. Sam and Jonah (aka josh st ours) came in. It was good to see them. I see Sam a lot but not Josh so that was good. Also, I got to work with Jaimie for the first time. He is such a sweetheart. I think we were flirting a bit but I dunno cuz I didnt do it on purpose. But he def made working there soooo much better. I hope he shows up on Sunday so we can work together again.

So then I watched General Hospital then went to the gym. I didnt see anyone I knew there but it was still fine anyways. I was happy that I made it to the gym. I was hoping to go tomorrow too but it doesnt look like it it will happen.

I was supposed to hang out with Josh Moore tonight. I was really looking foward to that. I havent seen him since the Turkey Bowl. We talk every night and it would be great to see him. Well he wrote my number down wrong and when I called him, he thought that I was his sister and didnt answer it. Sooooooooooo we never got to see each other. That was a low point of the day.

I watched a Time to Kill tonight. It was really good but sad. Its from the 90's. I suggest watching it.

Wolves stuff tomorrow although I dont want to go. Work Fri day and Sat day. WHOOOOOOOOOO

Sun, 29 May 2005 16:45:17 GMT

I work so freakin much!! It gets me so mad, and I never get mad. I like making the money, I've been able to put $300 in my savings and still have spending money and its been about 2 weeks so thats sweet. But to get that much money I have to work just about everyday which sucks! It wouldnt be so bad if I didnt have to do side work or roll silverware. I hate the garnish cooler the most. You have to scrape all the ice of the edges, flip all the garnishes into new containers and make sure everything is clean. Its annoying. I never knew about hte whole sidework thing until I became a waitress. blah!!!!! Next Sunday, I have to work a double. That sucks too. I like to be lazy on Sundays but ohhhhhhhhhh well. I am going to be working10:30-11. Oh what fun.

Besides the whole work thing, everything has been pretty ok. Last Thurs I went to Friendly's with emily, may, allison and sam. We had fun but the best part was after. Me, emily, and may just sat in May's car for over an hour talking about random things, our thoughts, feelings, boys, and all that other fun girl stuff. Times like that make me realize how much I love them and how lucky I am to have them. They are the best friends a girl could have.

I LOVE RASCAL FLATTS! I am listening to them right now and I love them so much. I cant believe I used to not like country. That is because I never gave it a chance. Its good stuff! Long slow beautiful dance is one of my favorite songs.

So the boy update - I've got nothing but I am not depressed about it so thats a good thing. The boy I have been crushin on for awhile now have decided that we are just friends and I am cool with that. He's awesome and I am glad that things are still ok between us. The boy from school is NEVER going to break up with his g/f even though she is sooooo wrong for him. Its obvious to everyone but him. Stupid boys. There could be someone new that I may be interested in but I dont want to read into anything yet.

Well I must go for now, I have to shower and get my stuff ready for work!

PS: Despite all the complaints I have and the let downs that happen, I am genuinely happy and that feels good :)

Sat, 21 May 2005 05:03:33 GMT

I had a Wolves game tonight. There were soooo many mistakes. We do everything by the minute and the lights dim when there is 25 min left on the clock before the game starts. The wolves didnt leave the field like they were supposed to and Angelo (the GM) was sooooo mad that the lights went out while the Wolves were still on the field. Then the Wolves did not come out on time during intros. The first guy had to have his name called 3 times before he came out. We could not do the last t-shirt fling because we had no time. We missed a promotion and had to move it to a different quarter. Most of the other promotions ran late. It was just not a good game for the promotional team. ALTHOUGH...I did a good job. The Hungry Like A Wolf promotion went off very well this time and passing out of the movie scene video rental tickets was great too. I didnt mess up on the radios and I did everything I was supposed to.

I love this internship, it's awesome and the people are great too. Brady is the best supervisor. I love that I am not the only girl so I have someone I can hangout and talk with. Katie is super sweet. I love Sean, Bob, Mark, Karl, Robbie and the other camera guys. And Dan is a total hottie. He's in charge of Blitz and I <3 him. I think he goes to UNH. WAIT let me check facebook, brb. Ok I couldnt find him but I still think that he does there. OH MAN he is cute. He stole my pretzels today and then he fed me one. hehe sooo cute!

Enough with the Wolves. I work soooooooo much. Its not that bad but I dont want to work all those hours. At least I am getting better at it. I had no idea how hard waitressing was. I hate one of my managers. OK I dont hate him since I dont hate anyone but he is so mean and I dislike him.

OH man, its 1:00. I have to go to bed. I'll write more later. Its Dereck's graduation and I have to be there for him. So good night...for now

Wed, 18 May 2005 12:38:27 GMT

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

American Cities That Best Fit You:

65% Atlanta

65% Washington, DC

60% Austin

55% Las Vegas

55% Los Angeles

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

You Will Die at Age 82

82

Congratulations! You take good care of yourself.

You're poised to live a long, healthy life.

What Age Will You Die?

Your Taste in Music:

Adult Alternative: Highest Influence

Country: Highest Influence

80's R&B: High Influence

90's Alternative: High Influence

90's Hip Hop: High Influence

90's Pop: High Influence

90's R&B: High Influence

Alternative Rock: High Influence

Hip Hop: High Influence

R&B: High Influence

80's Pop: Medium Influence

80's Rock: Medium Influence

Classic Rock: Medium Influence

Old School Hip Hop: Medium Influence

Ska: Medium Influence

80's Alternative: Low Influence

90's Rock: Low Influence

Gangsta Rap: Low Influence

Progressive Rock: Low Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

Thu, 12 May 2005 03:57:03 GMT

WOW I havent updated in sooooo long. I am a slacker. I have been so busy I dont have time anymore. ButI do now so here I am!

It was the second day in a row I had to wake up early to go to work. I have to drive my Dad to work for 7:30 in Nashua then drive back to Manchester for 8. It is a pain for me and my dad cuz I have to pick him up too. I wish I had my own car. I hate being a burden on everyone. All of this would not have happened if I didnt have this job or i wasnt home.

Tonight, me, my sister, and my Dad all went to the beach to see how the cottage looks. It was nice! We went to Markies for dinner and ate waaaaaaaay too much. But it was fun anyways. We later went for a walk along the beach and my Dad mentioned something about my Mom's thyroid tests. My sis and I both thought that it was just a thyroid deficiency. Turns out she had a growth on them that is slowing down her metabolism and she had to test to see if it was cancerous. I couldnt believe it. Luckily she got the results yesterday and it was not cancer but the growth is still there. I know that she is going to be fine but it still scared me. Ah I dont want to think about it anymore.

I have to go to work again tomorrow. I am actually going to start shadowing someone so that will be fun I hope. At least it gives me something to do. I do not want to sit around the house.

Ugh, I dont feel good. I have a swore throat and my stomach is weird. The stomach is my fault for eating too much at dinner. Sometimes I drive my own self crazy. I do stupid things like eat too much food. I give too many stupid shots in the same spot and I have bruises all over my arms, little dots and bumps. GRRR sometimes I just HATE being a diabetic. I know that when I go to the stupid diabetes doctor (aka endocronologist)he'll yell at me for my weight, my shot sites, and anything else he can possibly think of.

I've done a lot of complaining but I guess I needed to get it all out. I thought I would be relaxed during vacation but I guess just not yet.

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 04:38:08 GMT

I know I know I have been a slakcer updater. But I have good reason. I have been sick! I have a really really bad sore throat!

In addition to that, I have sooooooooo much work to do and there is not enough time to get it all done. Its ok cuz May 7th its all over! I am so pumped! Yay, I cant wait to have a real job and work in the wolves office and go to the beach! Which reminds me I have to go to planet fitness A LOT!

My one class of the day was ok. I love Jaye, he is freakin hilarious. The kid always makes me laugh. I am going to miss having him in my group. I'll never see him which sucks. He does love down the hall from me so that is a good thing. So does Matt (since he is living with Jaye).

AHHHHH My throat gets so bad at night. It is fine during the day but at night I just want to rip it out. This sucks

Jillian is coming on Fri! I am so excited

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 06:35:05 GMT

I did NOTHING today. I woke up at 12 and Echo left for Phil's frat pinning at 1. I watched the NFL draft ALL day. I also watched Jerry Mcguire, part of Rush Hour, Ali, and the beginning of Pay it Foward.

Dereck came by and gave me a red sox bucket he won at the Falcon Festival. Then I gave him the present I got him for graduation (except its early). I got him the Freddy movie that his brother broke, the 6th one. He really appreciated it. We're going to watch it tomorrow with Adam. We watched the 2nd one tonight since we skipped over it. The reason we skipped it was because it is soooo dumb and makes no sense whatsoever. It wasnt even that scary. Oh well

Now I am about to go to bed. I just tried IMing him, showing interest in how the comedy show went. Why do I even bother. He put up an away a minute after I sent him the IM saying out. I hate this.

Andy and Shannon broke up again. He is so depressed, he'll never want me.

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 06:27:41 GMT

I love Jackie so much!!!

Today I had to skip soc so I could go to health services so they could tell me what I already knew. I have pink eye (conjuctivitis). I havent been this mad in a long time. OOOOOOO it made me so mad to know that I have this stupid eye thing and a cold and I have a ton of work to do.

Expos was annoying because Alex was being a jerk. For someone who is suppose to be my friend, he's quite an ass. I dont want to put up with it anymore. Math was fine but Dimitrious is getting on my nerves. He was nice and all when we first started talking but now he is just being an idiot. He says things that make no sense and he never pays attention. Then he needs help and he asks me. It wouldnt be a big deal if he was paying attention and still doesnt understand but thats not it. I wont help him next time because I cant teach an entire lesson. Its not my job.

GB 102 was ok. My aggression level is a .27 out of 4. Everyone else but Eamon had at least a 1. I am very non-aggressive. Stupid O'Brien always calls on me. He always says "miss" referring to me since he doesnt know my name. Why does he always call on me? Eamon said something about it too so I am not exaggerating.

I paid $9 to see Robots today. It was such a good movie, so cute but that is a lot of money. I let Dereck have Adam's $5 pass because he seemed pissed off that we were going at the last minute and I didnt want him to be mad.

I worked at Harry's tonight, thank goodness it wasnt the pub. The pub reached capacity at 11. Only occasionally will it reach max and when it does, its around 12. People were so mad. Luckily I didnt have to put up with that.

Jackie spent most of the night hanging out with me. She is so sad because her friends funeral was today. I wish I knew what to say to her. She's so awesome and I wish she truly knew that. We both decided that we were fat. Then we proceeded to get mozerrella sticks and chicken tenders. AHHHH I lost all my motivation, this sucks. I dont want to go to the gym with my eye problem. I dont want to accidently touch my eye then touch a machine or a weight. I need to go to the gym again soon though

More work tomorrow. If its decent out, maybe I'll go to boston for a bit, we'll see. I do get paid so thats good.

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 06:05:33 GMT

Today it was so nice out

Jackie and I went to TJ Maxx and Marshalls but none of us bought anything

I am getting sick :(

I have so much work that I have to do it is insane and no fun

MAY 7!!!!!!!! Thats all I can think about. I am excited for what lies ahead for me

I feel gross but I cant seem to do anything about it. I want to go to the gym but I would rather sleep. Tomorrow is a new day so we will see what will happen

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 05:44:53 GMT

I had an awesome weekend. Fri went out with my BBB's and Jess to celebrate May's bday, Sat I got my job at Unos and I had another Wolves game. Today I went to Hampton with May and we saw the house and went to Markey's. It was so much fun. I did a lot of dancing in my car and singing and people would laugh and make fun of me but oh well, I had fun.

I dont update when I am home but I needed to get out my frustrations right now. I just IMed him for who knows why. I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE! He has no idea how much I actually care about him and how much it tears me up that he doesnt respond to what I have to say. It's like I'm talking to a brick wall and I cant do it anymore. I have a crush that doesnt seem to be going anywhere so what is the point. He tells me he likes me during spring break but that doesnt mean anything now I guess. He makes it hard to be his friend. I always give in but not anymore. I'm done. If he wants to talk to me then he can but at this point it doesnt seem like he wants to. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I have a sore throat

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 06:03:36 GMT

It's the weekend! YAY for that. I almost didnt go to sociology. Spike skipped, I should've too buuuuut I did.

Went to expos which was ok, math was BORING, and GB 102 is just pointless. We were suppose to have a meeting after but that never happened. Why does he always seem to call on me? Does it really look like I dont pay attention? Ok, so I'm not but neither is a single person in that class.

I didnt end up going to Fire and Ice or Avalon. I was so looking foward to going but there were some good things that happened tonight so its all good. I got to go to my softball game but we lost. I should've never let Lauren pitch. I did suggest it but I should've pulled her out right away. I actually did a good job pitching tonight so that was good. And our fielding was awesome. Its too bad we lost.

I went to work at harry's 9-1. There were sooo many people on. Josh and Pat were there and they are funny. Matt, Lorenzo, and Ryan were supervisors so that was also good. Hector and Hency were there (hector is pretty cute) and so Juan (ick). Adrian started today (WTF IS THAT ABOUT) and so did this kid named Johnathon Ellis. He was so adorable, I like him. He seems like a good guy.

Andy came by to see me. I was so excited, I even got a hug from him. So I was wondering around the edge of the pub and Pat and Juan were the only ones checking ID's. Juan isnt TIPS trained so he cant but was anyways. So I jumped in because the line was building up. I got Juan to take over at Harrys for me so I could continue to check ID's so Pat wouldnt be alone doing it. We had a good time joking with each other. I saw the HOTTIE from Bow again and he remembered me! He said I was the girl from Memorial. OMG he is GORGEOUS. I think I will look him up on facebook so hold up. I FOUND HIM! David Hinck. It's a weirdo last name but oh well.

Andy came down again just to see me because I knew I was still down at the pub and he was bored. And I got another hug. Why does he have to have a g/f? I am perfect for him. Why cant he see it! GRRRR, thats what I have to say about that.

I LOVE RASCAL FLATTS! They are so awesome, good stuff I tell ya.

This is going to be a kick ass weekend, I can tell already

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 06:39:06 GMT

I did nothing today. Slept til 11:30, straightened my hair for about an hour, went to lunch went to class (where I came in thrid in our game). That was fun actually. Again, Matt and Jaye made me laugh, it was soooooo fun.

I went to see Fever Pitch with Brian cuz i thought i could use my certificate and it would be free, but it wasnt!!! i was so mad! thats ok cuz its a cute movie and its about the Red Sox!!

I worked 9-1, SOOOOOOOO boring, i had nothing to do. What a waste of my time. I think I am going to Fire and Ice then Avalon with the girls (and nick) tomorrow. I am so excited. That means I am skipping work but oh well, i really want to go.

I think i have to become a heart breaker. All of a sudden I have people wanting to go out on dates. HELLO!! WHY NOW! there is less than a month of school left. AHHHHHHH I need to decide what I want and if he is worth waiting for.......I'm thinking that is may be a no but i could be fooling myself

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 06:23:46 GMT

BLAAAAAAAAAAH this day had highs and lows:

Sociology was stupid, exp was easy, math i didnt pay attention and GB was fun. We had to think of 100 uses for a banana and they couldnt be x-rated. Jaye thought up some pretty funny ones, like you can be in love with a banana. Another group said you can use it as a baby's cane. It was so funny.

After we had dodgeball and we lost!!! It wasnt fair, they were the biggest cheaters ever. I think they were seniors and they were friends with one of the refs. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I cant tell you how many times they didnt leave when they got out. We played hard til the end but they got us, barely. And they were mean to Andy. His tendonitis hurts really bad and he got cut. Poor guy! he worked so hard for our team. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I visited Emily tonight because I had no where else to go. She let me watch the end of American Idol. I love her, she's the bestest. Then i watched Amazing Race, which is continued next week but Rob and Amber are in the lead so that is good. I want the b/f to get out or ron and kelly.

I played jeopardy in brians room again. It's so fun, I love it! Then me brian, dereck, and adam went to stop and shop at midnighish. Luckily its open 24 hrs. I wore my slippers and pj pants with hearts on them. It was def hottness.

Now here I am. Tired and all. Do I want to go to the gym tomorrow?

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 05:20:45 GMT

Another day of school.......

I went to the gym this morning even though I did not want to. Then I went to lunch with Christine and Chris Aversa joined us. I love him!! I havent seen him in forever because of all the frat stuff so it was nice to get to talk to him again.

I watched the Sox and the ring ceremony. I LOVED IT! Esp when Bruschi and I think it was wakefield were giving each other big big hugs. It was so cute. Then I went to class and it was the most boringest thing I have ever sat through. I dont care at all for accounting, that is not what I want to do. After Mike and I went to dinner and went down to the dana center early for our game.

At 7:30, we had out first playoff dodgeball game. Alex was getting really mad as he usually does. But we won!! It was tied 2-2 and we got the final win, I was pumped so now we play tomorrow at 7. How exciting! Then I came back and did some work

I went down to elm 3rd cuz D was going to give me his Bentley bucks. Then we ended up talking to Brian for a long time. Then it turned into some kind of floor talk. Brian and Brendan came out of their rooms (they are cuuuuuuuute), Shouan, Ritchie, Rob at one point, Ryan at another point (I loooove him). It was fun. Then Dereck Brian and I went to play Jeopardy in Brians room. It was fun! Although I lost both times bad. The first time it wasnt my fault, it was Brian cuz he kept hitting my buttons. I had a good time although I have a headache now from squinting to see the screen.

Bed time now, 4 classes tomorrow

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 04:25:16 GMT

Ya I know I know, I just dont update when I am home. This means this will be a long entry

I had the best weekend. Thursday I had class all day but I skipped Exp to pick housing. We are is Cos 211 which is awesome that we are together. Its even more awesome that I know people that are around us. Jaye and Matt are in 205 and Tom and Scott are in 2 something. I am so excited. Thursday night I went home and went to Kohl's to buy my khaki pants for fri.

Fri, my sister dropped me off at the Wolves office at 1. I helped Alan (director of media) with his media guides and stapled stuff for him. Then I helped Anthoney (in charge of press passes) put the lanyards on the passes and put on labels. After I did all that, I had free time before my meeting at 5. I went to Pizza Palette (the old Juliens) and got a salad. It was ok but the guy was nice to me so thats good. A little before 5, I went to the Verizon to get ready for the game. I got to meet the entire crew that I work with and they are awesome! I befriended Katie, who was super nice. The camera guys are BEAUTIFUL! Wicked hotties. One of the guys, Ritchie, was the only one to remember my name so I sat with him when we got to eat dinner. OH MAN he is such a cutie eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I was all excited when I ran in to him when I was running around during the game.

So the first thing i had to do for the game was bring the color guard down to the field and make sure they were all set and gave them the cue to go. Then my next big thing was hold the slingshot in the t-shirt toss. I loved being out in front of all those people. After the Wolves first touchdown, I delivered the 1st touchdown prize pack to a random person. At halftime, I straightened the banner for the football toss and then picked up the banner and brought it back in. I delivered the Red Arrow Diner Dinner prize to the winner and passed out movie rental prizes to the winning section for another contest. After the game, I caught footballs that didnt hit the net when people tried to kick a field goal. It was an awesome night. The only bad thing was I couldnt go to the after party at the black brimmer cuz I wasnt 21. :( So I went home and watched Something's Gotta Give which was so cute.

Sat I did nothing til late afternoon when I had to go and find a job. The 1st place I went to was Uno's. Turns out the hiring manager was there and was willing to talk to me. He noticed that I went to Bentley which would make me a candidate for transferring. He decided that I could have an interview next Sat morning!! How awesome was that?? The first place I went and I got an interview. I was pumped. Then Jillian and I went to the mall and bought stuff for her for prom. We then went to Londonderry to meet Jen, Dan and May to go to the movies. Well they couldnt make it so we decided to go to Hookesett instead at a later time. So Jillian and I went to eat at the 99. Then May called me again and said that they decided to go to Londonderry again, just a different time. WHAT A WASTE OF GAS!! Its ok cuz I got to see the movie. It was Fever Pitch. It was sooooooo cute!! It was weird cuz I just recognized everything in that movie. It was awesome. I want a man like Ben (Jimmy Fallon) and I dont care that he is obsessed with the Red Sox. Then we came home and I watched Down with Love which was also really cute.

Sunday was a waste of a day. I sat around and watched Sex and the City with Jillian all day. I went back to school and watched the Contender. Juan won, and I love him, although I felt so bad for Taric. They were both good guys. Then I attempted to do work but I watched Independence Day instead. Then I watched Grey's Anatomy which was good. Dr. Baley is a HOTTIE!! ow ow. haha I visted Emily and now here I am.

Watching all these movies and what not made me think about a lot of things this weekend. I also chatted with Alex Thurs night which was awesome. This is my thing. I started the weekend off thinking that I am done with this random makeout stuff. What good does it do? I really want someone to be there for me. I want to find a relationship. Then I got to thinking, what's the point? The whole idea behind dating is to find someone to be with. Well for how long? Unless I plan on marrying my next b/f, we're going to break up at one point or another right? I'm too young to think about marriage so what is the point of dating or b/fs if we're going to break up in the end? I know, quite the depressing thought.

After those thoughts I did more thinking, since I do that waaaaaaaay too much. I thought that I just want someone to be there for me, if we break up then oh well. I cant go throughout life being alone, I'm not strong enough to do that. Then it hit me, why am I not with anyone right now? I have been broken up with Matt for year and a half I think. Why cant I find someone? Its not like people dont like me. Adam did and so did Adrian but I didnt want to be with them, although it could be because it went way to fast for me. So then what do I want? It wasnt them. If I really liked them then it wouldnt matter how fast we became a couple. Maybe I am not meant to be in a relationship. Nothing has worked for me since Matt. Jon went with someone else, Chris (bow-boy) was to clingy and needy, Chris lived in Canada, Micah went in the army and I got over him when he came back, I nevered really liked Ryan, Jon (again) and I cut it too close to school, Sam wasnt ready to be with someone, Colin and I met too late cuz we had to go to school, I wasnt Dereck's type and I was too young, Adam and Adrian wanted to be with me after a week. Then all the other guys since Matt were just random makeout stuff. Look at all that. There is always an excuse, or a reason of some sort why I didnt get into a relationship. And now all I think about is him! I cant do it, is there even a point? There is no guarantee that we will be together in the summer. Can I actually picture myself being with him? Not really. I cant picture myself with anyone. Maybe I am not meant for this love stuff. I guess I also dont understand why the people i am so close to being with decide against it. It has happened quite a few times now. We've both liked each other but he doesnt want to be with me. Am I that unappealing> GOSH DARN

I watched down with love and it made me think, maybe i should be. I am focusing so much energy on him. I need to focus on myself and where I am going in life. Fri's game made me realize how lucky I was to have the opportunities that I currently have. I can really go places if I keep doing what I am. I cant let boys or anything else get in the way. Yes, I want to be in love, who doesnt? But maybe that just has to wait. I have been crushing the same guy for a looooooong time and where has it gotten me? It's gotten me some kisses and I will never forget our first one. It's also gotten me a friend and maybe thats all I can handle right now. I have to get myself through college. I have an internship to focus on and a potential job. I dunno. This is hard. Maybe its time to stop the dreaming and stop being such a hopeless romantic. Maybe it's time to face reality. This is really hard but maybe it's about time

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 04:32:25 GMT

YOUR PORN STAR NAME: (name of first pet + street you live on): Dusty Coral

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandmother's/father's first name + favorite snack): Shirly Pretzels

3. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME: (first word you see on your left + favorite restaurant): Insider Backroom

4. YOUR SOCIALITE NAME: (silliest childhood nickname + first town where you partied): Cait Londonderry

5. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite animal + name of high school): Lion Memorial

6. YOUR BARFLY NAME: (last snack food you ate + your favorite drink): Pretzels Orange Juice

7. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name + street where you first lived): Elizabeth Brent

8. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME:(favorite candy + favorite musicians last name): KitKat Big Kat Brown (yeaa Donnie!)

9. YOUR OPPOSITE SEX NAME: (name of [opposite sex] friend + cell phone company you use): Matt Verizon

10. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: ( first 3 letters of your last name+ last 3 letters of mothers middle name /+/ first 3 letters of your pets name + first 3 letters of the town you live in): Hanlen Samman

Well that was fun, thanks Matt and Dustin!

ANYWAYS! I AM SO MAD/FRUSTRATED/EVERYTHING...........MEPDDD!!! Thanks to the housing lottery. There is barely any 4 person housing left! HOW UNCOOL IS THAT! WTF!!! I do not want to live in miller. Its awful, thats for freshman! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!

Who cares how the rest of the day went at this point. I overslept til 12, I studied, I went to class, I played softball, I tried to do hmwk, I watched billy madison, I looked at the stupid housing thats left and now here i am! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OK i'm done for now

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 04:52:03 GMT

No update yesterday because I had too much work to do. Soc was stupid because we were assigned a paper to do. It's a group one and I ask you, how do u do group research papers? I hate relying on other people. Its stupid.

I went to the bookstore to buy a tape in case i missed Amazing Race. Well the guy at the register was soooo hot! Hold on, let me see if I can find him on facebook...........Ok I couldnt find him. But if you are reading this and you know an Eric that works at the bookstore, INTRODUCE ME!! Thank you

Exp was cool cuz we watched family guy. It was the one where Peter was fired and the family went on welfare. Math I had a test....some parts were easy but not all of them :( GB 102 was a joke as usual. JAYE IS GOING TO GET ME IN TROUBLE!! All I do is laugh in that class and he always calls on me as I am laughing. WTF is that about. Oh well, at least he doesnt know my name.

OH MAN my ponytail is so soft, I love it. Everyone should feel it right now. Jillian would if she were here, or at least I would make her.

Nunzio just IMed me, how fun.

American Idol was great because it was showtunes! I was so pumped. I LOVE musicals! And in Amazing Race, the brothers left. I liked them a lot. The boyfriends needed to go, then Ron and Kelly I think. Kelly was being annoying. When I go on, I AM NOT going to be one of those annoying people.

You know what? I dont know what happened yesterday besides class!! This is what I get for not writing stuff down.

I just IMed Cali (John). He is no longer my friend because he went to Harrys when I was not working yet he will not go when I am. hmmmmmmm, we are fighting, I declared it.

I have listened to this John Parr an insane amount of times. Over and over and over again. I love it so freakin much. I just want to get up and dance and sing about. I would make a 19 song cd with only that song on it but then that would be a waste of money because I did not put other songs on there to listen to. OOOO I'm at my fav part!!

I have an insane amount of energy right now. It's craziness. This is what I get for going to the store at 11:30. Oh yeah, I went to the store with Dereck and Adam. It was fun. I looooove hanging out with them and I havent done it in so long.

WHERE IS HE! I WAS GOING TO IM HIM TONIGHT!! GOSH DARN!

Why dont I get comments? This is no good. It may be because it is no longer in my profile. (OH I'm at my fav part again!)

Ummmm I think I am out of things to say. I want to cuddle with someone! ok, now I am. GOODNIGHT

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 04:58:59 GMT

Lets see, didnt update yesterday cuz I was at home and the comp annoys me. I went home Sat morning and got my haircut and highlighted. I love it but I dont know if anyone else does. People did notice though so thats good. Andy liked it. Thats always a good thing.

I then had a meeting with the promotions team for friday's game. I am sooooo excited. I cant wait for the game, it'll be so fun.

Then I went shopping for khaki pants for the game but I didnt find any in my price range. I did buy a new pair of pants though. They are white and are sooooooo cute. Vey bootilicious haha

Then I went out with my sister to the movies. We saw Sin City. As gross and twisted as it was, I liked it. Some parts were funny. I dont do well with nudity but thats ok.

When I was shopping for pants, I heard a song over the intercom. It was familiar, one of those random 80's songs I know and i love it. So of course, I went home and tried to find it so I could download it. I did and now I am so happy. It's called St. Elmo's Fire by John Parr and I have played it 6 times in a row as of right now. Yeah I'm a weirdo but thats ok.

I came back today and saw Cali! His name is John but thats ok. I finally gave him his easter basket. He is so adorable. I just love him. After I saw him, i went to my softball game. I got to pitch which was awesome. Too bad the team was good and we got killed: 10-0. That was depressing cuz now we are out for softball. But there is still dodgeball. I guess my team is better at dodging balls then catching them. Gosh darn the outfield! Maybe I will try to get on another team if they need girls. I am sure there is another team I could be useful on.

I watched the Contender tonigh cuz i love it. I was so sad that Brent lost. He is so cute and so awesome and he didnt even finish all the rounds. I also watched the Sox, too bad they lost. Thats no good.

Ok time for bed, i am so tired

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 07:47:17 GMT

THIS DAY SUCKED!!!

MY HOUSING LOTTERY PICK SUCKS! Each person is assigned a certain amount of credits. Credits determine ur class code. Most frosh are class code 2, soph are class code 4, blah blah blah. So in class code 2, there are 194 teams. My team is number 193!!!!!!!! GRRRRR that is just awful. I cant believe it. We may not get to live together and that just sucks.

I did nothing all day. I watched Sabrina and Love Actually and got a sandwich at Papa Ginos. I should done something mor productive.

I saw Jackie today!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO that was the only good thing about today. She is AWESOME

I had to work at Harrys. At least Pat was there. He is freakin hilarious and is good to talk with. THe stupid parts about Harrys: there was NO ONE there for the first 4 1/2 hours. Maybe 50 at most and not all at once. It was so boring. Around 1:30-1:40, the crowds came and the building closed at 2. It was awful. Plus Mike was the building manager and he is just awful. He closed the pub early so people had no where to eat and was mean to people. I dont like him at all! He sucks at his job.

Going home in the morning. I hope Jillian will see sin city with me cuz i want to so badly. Its long but who cares, i want to see it.

One last note: I am insane, What was I thinking? I'm so disappointed but mostly in myself for being an idiot and not taking a look at reality.